Your Heart Knows (Seriously. It does.)
You heart knows the way.
I promise you.
When I was 16 years old I was sitting in my GCSE art class painting a Samurai who was emerging from some flooded rice paddies.
The landscape was stormy; like my heart.
At this time I hated being at school.
My home life was difficult.
I was deeply depressed by the thought of my future.
The route set out before me – A Levels, University, a job, a car, possessions and conventionality – made me want to cry.
What I wanted was to find the courage to follow my dream to be a writer whose work would somehow change the world.
When I imagined this, I felt inspired.
My heart did cartwheels.
Then I thought about how wracked with upset, disappointment and sadness my parents would be if I followed my dream (a dream that seemed crazy and stupid and naïve to two head teachers who were extremely proud of their A Grade daughter who had her whole career mapped out ahead)
and my whole body felt two stone heavier.
So, I continued painting my Samurai.
I thought about writing again.
And that’s when It happened. (I’m not entirely sure what It was! Maybe the Samurai got tired of hearing me procrastinate and swiped my fear with his sword. Maybe his filthy look of “sort your shiz out” infused some rebellious bit of my soul. I don’t know! But what I DO know is that I DID it.)
I put down my paintbrush.
I gathered my things.
I picked up my bag and then I walked out of school – unauthorised – Samurai rolled under my arm.
No one followed me.
It was a beautiful warm, balmy, summers day.
I went and sat under a tree in the Arboretum and I thought, “I’ve just left home and left school. I’m going to be a writer and help change the world.”
And my heart said, “YES!”
When you’ve made a decision – your heart KNOWS you’ve made a decision and there’s really no going back on it.
That day I made a decision to follow my heart and it led onto a blissful summer of learning Yoga and going on adventures all over the UK.
It led onto my first poetry being published.
It led onto travels in India, my introduction to sacred texts on the New Thought Movement and the Law of Attraction (when the internet was a baby and there was scarcely anything written about it).
It led onto my books being published, my artwork being loved, a speaking and coaching career and a gorgeous home and family.
Like I said.
Your heart knows.
It has the Road Map AND/OR the Sat Nav for your soul.
I’m not saying that following your heart is easy.
Sometimes it is tempered with absolute pain and guilt.
Sometimes it leads onto you being judged by everyone you know – or being told you are crazy or “throwing it all away” (just as my parents did when I rang them from a phone box to say that I was leaving the world of conventional pathways).
But your heart knows. And in hindsight you can look back and nod sagely and say, “yep. It was all perfect.”
It sounds hippy.
It isn’t though.
Cutting edge neuroscience has just revealed that our hearts are far more intelligent than we have previously understood.
But that is tomorrow’s post.
For NOW …
… Think back to the times that you have truly followed your heart and how the situation has turned out for you.
Reflect on the times when you have gone against your heart and consider whether your actions took you off your path for a time.
Finally, if this post speaks to you in some way, I invite you to make a decision to trust in your heart and say the following words out loud:
Doesn’t that feel flipping AWESOME??!!
You have officially just pressed your power button, baby!!
Before I say goodbye, I’ve just got to show you this …
Out of all of the things I have thrown away over the years … I have never quite had the heart to let go of this painting below.
It lives in my art folder.
Awaiting the day that I need another kick up the bum.
What a dude.
Although, I’m not entirely sure what was going on with his feet?