Survive or Thrive? It’s Your Choice …
Life Design Action: Thrive
Requires: A choice, a shift in self worth, actions
Does not require: Chemical fertilisers
For many years I lived my life very frugally.
I got by.
For these years I was a full time mum to Pix and Roo. My partner did “hard” work and I did “house” work. The deal was that I would receive a certain amount of money each week for house-keeping. If I wanted something I had to ask for it. Should I think that something was needed for the home, either repair or a replacement, it felt as though I had to prepare a case and then deliver it with the eloquence and persuasiveness of a top London lawyer.
Those court cases could go on indefinitely.
I was emotionally and financially trapped but I was used to being trapped and so I didn’t question the entrapment.
By my complete lack of awareness, I chose to remain within that situation.
Until I chose to leave it.
Today I’m pretty much an independent woman. I own my own car, I pay my own mortgage, am self employed and have two companies. I work a job that rewards me beyond ANY financial remittance and a family life and relationships that bubble me over with rich joy every day. I sometimes do housework, but I’d rather do creative work. I free to fly and I like to fly high.
The way that I grew from the birdcage to the wild woods was by doing two things:
a) I made the decision that I was worthy of thriving
b) taking action on that decision (and persevering even when the going was tough)
The main thing I learnt along the way was that for you (and the other) to thrive in any relationship, there must be EQUALITY. I’m not just talking about human relationships here. I’m taking about our relationship with the world, our success, our dreams and prosperity in every sense of the word. The way we perceive ourselves results in the actions we take, the boundaries we set, the goals we reach for and what we are prepared to accept. So …
BE EQUAL TO YOUR DREAMS
“If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.” Rosalyn Smith Carter
If you believe you are unworthy of your dreams, then you are playing SMALL and however hard you try, that relationship will not thrive. You will not become the play-mate of your dreams, but remain the little watcher, the wisher, the hoper. You will peer into the party from the outside, like Oliver Twist, hungrily longing for crumbs … But you won’t get the crumbs. Your dream won’t notice you. You’re invisible.
For you and your dreams to thrive, you’ve got to be BOLD. You’ve got march up to the thing with the body language and over-stated confidence of a goddamn Goddess and suggest your dreams come and dance. Then lead the dance. Show your dreams who you are.
And if your dreams are equal to YOUR greatness? They will dance back. I promise.
BE EQUAL TO YOUR PEOPLE
Whether its your partner, your family, your friends, your colleagues or the snotty bunch of parents that huddle around the school gate, if you believe others are somehow better than you are, then you’re basically in the shiz. When we see ourselves as less-than other people, we will end up draining our energy on attempts to try and make up for our lack; overcompensate or begin to behave in ways that are controlling/ed. Whatever you do, sustainable growth is stunted.
Who are the five people you spend most time with? When you walk away from those people do you feel charged up with life and motivation or sucked dry? Which relationships do you pour your ALL into, yet receive little back from? Choose to spend the majority of your time with the people who make you feel MASSIVE – not small. (By feeling massive, I mean empowered, not big because the other person has been diminished in any way).
BE EQUAL TO YOUR ENDEAVOURS
I was recently coaching a young woman who was doing voluntary work in her local area. She was putting her heart and soul into the project and receiving little back. The small emotional rewards she DID get were overshadowed by the rude, unappreciative man who was running the show. We talked about the natural flow of growth and prosperity. I explained that in everything there is a natural balance between what we put in and what we get out. In this girl’s case she was putting in so much that she was on the verge of burn out, but getting very little back.
“If the emotional rewards from this were translated into money, how much would you be getting paid?” I asked.
“Pennies,” she said. “If that.”
Put simply, if this was a paid job, she just wouldn’t do it.
For the rest of the coaching session we explored what she had originally liked about the voluntary work. We dug down into the core reward; the feeling of making a positive difference in the lives of children. The moment this was identified, my client’s body language, verbal language and expressions shifted to reflect a lifted, empowered internal state. We specified how much she would like to be paid – not financially but in energy, love, joy, a sense of growth, achievement for her endeavours. (It’s incredible how easily people are happy to receive these rewards, however are so uncomfortable with financial rewards). We then did the same exercise but applied it to her educational pursuits, her relationships and her work. Why don’t you try this for yourself? What time/energy are you putting into endeavours and what do you require to receive in return?
If you are putting 100% in but only getting 22% out, explore why you are actually doing it?
If you are putting 80% in and getting 80% out, then there is equality.
Balance is something that is continually shifting, so it maybe that to begin with you are putting 100% in and only getting a little out, but over time this should balance. If not, then you need to ask yourself what is going on and whether your precious time, energy and gorgeousness can be spent more wisely.
As Maya Angelou says …