Strengthening The Core Of Your Love
Your eyes meet.
You fall in love.
You move in together.
It is blissful.
Then he starts to leave the toilet seat up.
The bubble of frothy oxytocin begins to fade.
Gradually, as the weeks and months go by, the honeymoon high slopes away and you are left with the bones of two – unique and beautifully flawed humans – who are about to learn how to live in harmony with each other.
Some relationships will work out. Others won’t.
But sometimes a potential wonderful partnership can fall down because the two people don’t have enough self awareness or the language to communicate their unique needs. He/She/They might do something that really presses your buttons and you react. They just don’t seem to get it. Then you will say/do something quite innocently and suddenly they’ve turned into a mega-beast of ferocity.
Sometimes the key to recovering and creating a gorgeous relationship can be really simple.
I would like to share with you something that I was introduced to during my previous marriage.
He and I were very different.
Our biggest difference came in his massive need for harmony and permanence …
And my equally massive need for growth and freedom.
Core values are qualities that are personally important to us.
In fact, they are more than important.
They are like oxygen for the soul.
Without our core values actualised and fulfilled in our lives, we will feel like this.
However, if all of our core values are triggered at once (by a scenario, person or event) we are more likely to look like this:
if the love of your life happens to have a core value of freedom and creativity, the chances are that they may not worry to much about living in a show home house. However, if you come along and have the core value of order and harmony, this could cause conflict between you.
The key here is SELF AWARENESS: Know what your core values are and look after them. Honour them by talking about them, exploring where they are fulfilled in your life and where they are not.
Then … get your other half to identify their core values too.
Now you will have awareness around WHY you are getting upset with each other (or life/people in your life) and you also have language to communicate what is going on for you (rather than exploding).
When we can communicate from the heart about a) who we are b) how we’re feeling and c) why its impacting us so much, we can begin to love ourselves more and also love the other person. Our unique differences can be celebrated and honoured, rather than remain unseen and accidentally trodden on.
We literally can remain in the heart of our relationship.
If you would like to work out your core values or get your partner to work out theirs, check out the list below.
Simple circle the 7 qualities that mean most to you, write a short sentence about what that means to you.
Now you can think back and meditate on how these values show up for you and how they can be triggered by your partner.
Share what you discover with each other.
Discuss how you can support each other when one of your core values has been triggered.
Plan how you an help each other fulfil your core values more.
You can do all of this over a cup of tea or candle lit meal.
Wishing you love.